Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween, Alcohol & Pumpkin Carving

Halloween reminds me of a time a few years back when I had an employee whose wife came in the day after the holiday to inform me of why he wasn't going to be able to make it in. Apparently he GOT ARRESTED FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE WHILE TAKING HIS CHILDREN TRICK-OR-TREATING!

What astounded me even more than the fact of his incarceration was the apparent lack of appology for his condition by his spouse. "He had ONLY just opened his second fourty ouncer." She informed me, somehow thinking I would then bow to the logic than at least somewhere under 80 ounces of malt liquor in such a short time span is perfectly acceptable when driving your young children around on a night where the streets are strewn with scampering lads & lasses, with often times dark clothing and mask impaired vision, unaware of the perils in store for them at the hands of an impaired driver.

It amazes me at times the pure selfish stupidity of people. I am all for scientific advancement in every field, but I do see why not all animals make it to spawn thru the process of natural selection. Not only did I fear for the helpless children crossing the street, or even on the sidewalk in this case, but I also had deep concerns for his own children. Exposing them not only to his stupidity and lack of judgement but to the obvious ignorance of why this is wrong on their mother's end.

I'm sure they did not explain to their children how the police were there to help and doing the right thing. Much less would I imagine these kids were told that Daddy made a mistake and is learning a good lesson. No, I'm sure our role models here made claims of faulty systems and wrongful prosecusion corrupting these impressionable minds with visions of fault in both our legal system (not to say there isn't faults) & the people they should be looking up to and going to if they actually need help someday.

I know a lot of people who go out and party on Halloween... there is nothing wrong with that, but do it AFTER you have taken the kids out for their fun for the night. (that is if you have children, obviously) Remember, when you decided to have a child you took on a responsibility that for ever more in your future dictates that you put your child's needs before your own. (ok, after they are a grown adult capable of taking care of themselves you do need to cut the apron strings, but I hope you get my point here)

Also, if you do decide to party simply be responsible about it. I believe the vast majority of people realize this holiday is all about the kids, they are everywhere darting about to and from every direction, and take extra precautions to ensure the safety of not only their own family, but everyone. The only person of whom it is acceptable to have a different viewpoint this holiday is Michael Meyers

On the lighter side of things I was looking at some really cool pumpkin carvings and came across this

Nothing like a little fanatical Lucas worship to turn a common fruit into an art masterpiece!

There is a reason we only carve pumpkins once a year. It gives us about 11 months to forget how much work it is and how bad it sucks. About halfway thru scooping the friggin' thing you look at your pumpkin gut covered hand, arm, shirt & floor you think to yourself, "Why didn't I just jump on that psycho Pat Robertson's bandwagon of devils living in the candy and call the whole thing off?"

For the record, if you believe that the candy sold at Halloween time has been cursed with evil then you are sad, stupid, superstitious and should give me all your candy. (I'm especially fond of Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups) I am happy to take on the responsibility of allowing the demons to enter me thru some tasty treats so you don't have to suffer.

Once you have disemboweled the smelly thing you then can either use the traditional method of big knife & hope it at least even comes somewhere near looking like a face or the more modern template punching and scrape method. I really don't care what method you chose, I'm just happy if I walk away with the same number of fingers I started with. (which is why you should never carve pumkins in the nude. Trust me, it's better to lose a finger)

Happy Halloween!

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