Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween, Alcohol & Pumpkin Carving

Halloween reminds me of a time a few years back when I had an employee whose wife came in the day after the holiday to inform me of why he wasn't going to be able to make it in. Apparently he GOT ARRESTED FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE WHILE TAKING HIS CHILDREN TRICK-OR-TREATING!

What astounded me even more than the fact of his incarceration was the apparent lack of appology for his condition by his spouse. "He had ONLY just opened his second fourty ouncer." She informed me, somehow thinking I would then bow to the logic than at least somewhere under 80 ounces of malt liquor in such a short time span is perfectly acceptable when driving your young children around on a night where the streets are strewn with scampering lads & lasses, with often times dark clothing and mask impaired vision, unaware of the perils in store for them at the hands of an impaired driver.

It amazes me at times the pure selfish stupidity of people. I am all for scientific advancement in every field, but I do see why not all animals make it to spawn thru the process of natural selection. Not only did I fear for the helpless children crossing the street, or even on the sidewalk in this case, but I also had deep concerns for his own children. Exposing them not only to his stupidity and lack of judgement but to the obvious ignorance of why this is wrong on their mother's end.

I'm sure they did not explain to their children how the police were there to help and doing the right thing. Much less would I imagine these kids were told that Daddy made a mistake and is learning a good lesson. No, I'm sure our role models here made claims of faulty systems and wrongful prosecusion corrupting these impressionable minds with visions of fault in both our legal system (not to say there isn't faults) & the people they should be looking up to and going to if they actually need help someday.

I know a lot of people who go out and party on Halloween... there is nothing wrong with that, but do it AFTER you have taken the kids out for their fun for the night. (that is if you have children, obviously) Remember, when you decided to have a child you took on a responsibility that for ever more in your future dictates that you put your child's needs before your own. (ok, after they are a grown adult capable of taking care of themselves you do need to cut the apron strings, but I hope you get my point here)

Also, if you do decide to party simply be responsible about it. I believe the vast majority of people realize this holiday is all about the kids, they are everywhere darting about to and from every direction, and take extra precautions to ensure the safety of not only their own family, but everyone. The only person of whom it is acceptable to have a different viewpoint this holiday is Michael Meyers

On the lighter side of things I was looking at some really cool pumpkin carvings and came across this

Nothing like a little fanatical Lucas worship to turn a common fruit into an art masterpiece!

There is a reason we only carve pumpkins once a year. It gives us about 11 months to forget how much work it is and how bad it sucks. About halfway thru scooping the friggin' thing you look at your pumpkin gut covered hand, arm, shirt & floor you think to yourself, "Why didn't I just jump on that psycho Pat Robertson's bandwagon of devils living in the candy and call the whole thing off?"

For the record, if you believe that the candy sold at Halloween time has been cursed with evil then you are sad, stupid, superstitious and should give me all your candy. (I'm especially fond of Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups) I am happy to take on the responsibility of allowing the demons to enter me thru some tasty treats so you don't have to suffer.

Once you have disemboweled the smelly thing you then can either use the traditional method of big knife & hope it at least even comes somewhere near looking like a face or the more modern template punching and scrape method. I really don't care what method you chose, I'm just happy if I walk away with the same number of fingers I started with. (which is why you should never carve pumkins in the nude. Trust me, it's better to lose a finger)

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Sony & Star Wars

Check this out, pretty cool huh?

We are getting one step closer to playing chess with a Chewbacca!

Remember, let the Wookie win.

You know this means Lucas will have to do a new special edition so I can once again pay too much money to re-purchase what I've already boughten... and I will wait in line, smile on my face in eager anticipation when I do it! But I won't be wearing a cool homemade Boba Fett outfit... I'm not THAT cool.

Death & Wal-Mart

I got this following article from

"Walmart Really Does Have Everything
Walmart has started carrying caskets online. This in response to Costco offering caskets on their website. Walmart has a selection of 14 caskets as well as a variety of urns for the cremated. Pat Lynch, of the National Funeral Home Director's Association, isn't worried. He says that online retailers don't offer one important thing funeral homes do, the comfort of human contact at a difficult time. I don't know, I think I could call a friend for human contact after saving a couple hundred dollars online. Still, it does have the creepy factor, shopping for a casket at Walmart's website."

I totally understand Wal-Mart selling caskets, I typically want to kill myslef when I go there. I wonder if they have the Sam Walton Special Edition? (go ahead and say it, I really don't care)

I also agree with Mr. Lynch (thank goodness the author of this article referred to him as "he" or else I would be at a loss there... who names their kids Pat anyway? If your name is Pat you should pick up the phone right now, call your parents & tell them to suck it. If they are deceased then go online and pick out a probably poorly made, typical of Wal-Mart items, casket for them)

when he said it is missing the personal touch (with this type of purchase that is an important factor, unless you never liked the bitch anyway). With that in mind Wal-Mart should sell them in store too... you will get that same online experience of both feeling impersonal as well as catching a virus.

I think Wal-Mart is doing this just to ensure their customer's online shopping experience is as creepy as their in store experience.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Old people steal

Maybe Chick McGee is right: Ella Orko, 86, was arrested in Chicago in August (her 61st arrest) and charged with shoplifting $252 worth of groceries and sundries (including anti-wrinkle cream). [Chicago Tribune-AP, 8-3-09]

The brain & celebrities

Got this off the News Of The Weird website:

The human brain's 100 billion neurons may have such specific functions that a few electrically charge only upon recognition of a single celebrity, such as Oprah Winfrey or Bill Clinton. UCLA researchers, studying the healthy cells of pre-op epilepsy patients, inadvertently discovered this unusual property, which apparently varies with individuals but remains internally consistent, whether the celebrity is represented by picture, name or sound. Patients were presented "hundreds of stimuli," one researcher told The Wall Street Journal in October, but "the neuron would respond to only one or two." For example, neurons were found that reacted only to Jennifer Aniston, only to "The Simpsons," only to Mother Teresa.
[Wall Street Journal, 10-9-09]

Interesting stuff there. In my case it's Megan Fox... or Bea Arthur.

Boy Scouts - More Replys

My last post was on the Boy/Cub Scouts and the issues revolving around them receiving government funding & use of govt. property. There was some good commenting on the post itself, but on facebook there was a long comment thread. I wanted to share the points raised and discussed in the thread, but since it was done via facebook's private messaging system I will have to do a little editing (the names have been changed to protect the innocent). The only things I did was remove photos, remove some smiley code because it was effecting the code that writes this blog & change all references of names to "Person #1-#4" I also changed one name of an outside party. These changes are all in bold with quotation marks. I would have entered this as a reply to my original post, but is was far too large to do so. Below is a copy of the thread:

Person #1 October 27 at 3:36pm Reply
wow...I agree with your article....excellent....and I agree with this woman...'don't ask don't tell' a cub scout..??? so if you believe in God, you are going to be a great american? but if you are must be a communist...sickening.

Person #2 October 27 at 3:36pm Reply
posted on your page:

My opinion? This is a no-brainer. ANY organization which uses government property or accepts government money must abide by non-discrimination laws. The BSA does not do that. Consequently, I did not allow my son to join them.

I find it astounding that any organization which teaches hate as part of its philosophy is not only still in existence, but is a major group for our young men.

WORTH NOTING- the Girl Scouts and related groups do NOT hold the same policies of discrimination at all, but are in fact open and supportive of all people. That means you can still buy girlscout cookies, but you can't buy boyscout seedlings. (grinning)

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 3:42pm
I thought so... Thank you so much for your opinion
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Person #3 October 27 at 3:43pm Reply
I agree 100% with “Person#2” on this one. If I had a son I wouldn't allow him to join, either.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 3:44pm
I appreciate alll your replies ... Thank you
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Person #4 October 27 at 3:47pm Reply
how did all the politics get into scouts? i thought it was something for LITTLE KIDS to have fun and learn things like how to survive in the wilderness and how to do good deeds and feel satisfaction from helping the little ol lady across the street. no offense folks but the world is really f*cked and frankly im sick of all the bs that goes along with it..what happened to just good old fashioned fun for kids..why does everyone have to put in their grown up opinions on it and ruin how kids see it and turn it into something stupid

Person #2 October 27 at 3:53pm Reply
One of my neighbors is a BS troop leader who invited “My Son” to join them... I had to say no, and why. It certainly IS a tragedy that adults have made an otherwise fabulous organization into a haven for the prejudiced.

LoserWiteGuy October 27 at 3:57pm
politics got into it mostly when the church got involved... it started as a gret group for boys. too bad it didn't stay that way. the problem is groups use things like the boy scouts to promote their agenda.... which is fine, but don't expect people who are against this agenda to be part of it. and actually it is more sad than fine, it got ruined when they started excluding. We have to put our "grown up opinions" on things involving our kids ... partially to protect them, to help them grow and learn without a bias hateful opinion (that didn't come out how I wanted, hopefully it makes some sense)... Anyone able to word what I'm trying to say way better? lol

Person #2 October 27 at 4:00pm Reply
>>>Anyone able to word what I'm trying to say way better?>>>>

See my last sentence above yours.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 4:00pm
“Person #2”, you are always so much better at putting things than I ;)

Person #2 October 27 at 4:02pm Reply
Actually a little editing:

It certainly IS a tragedy that religious adults have made an otherwise fabulous organization for young and teen boys into an exclusionary haven for the prejudiced.

Person #2 October 27 at 4:04pm Reply

Person #4 October 27 at 4:07pm Reply
kids should be kids and should be able to make up their own minds..and us as parents have to play that role..just cuz we believe one way doesnt mean your children have to believe the takes away their innocents and forces them to make grown decisions..i cant spell at the moment or any for that matter so forgive me..but if ur kid wants to be in boy scouts then let that u have instilled in them what you believe and when they grow up they will use all of their experiences to chose the life they want..but for now just let them be kids and do something fun and let them learn from a different outlet..let them have the opportunity to see things for them selves and if they come home with questions then guess parent and sit down and talk to them about it in words they understand..i dont go to church for my own reasons..not cuz i dont believe in God or a higher being.. but because i dont believe in churches..but my kids wanted to experience that and how selfish would i be to deny them that privilege because it goes against my own belief? they ask how come i wont go and i simply tell them when they are old enough to understand then i will share with them..until then if they want to go then go..learn from another outlet..the world is bigger than my little world and they have a whole life to learn and i will never be selfish enough to think it stops with my beliefs..

Person #4 October 27 at 4:15pm Reply
were u in boy scouts or brownies as a kid?

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 4:28pm
I was in cub scouts for a while. Issue is they indoctrinate (I can never spell either) children. A child is not old enough to decide everything, that is the role of the parent. I'm not going to let him eat candy three meals a day either. In certainly not going to have him join a group that he doesn't understand (that childish innocence) that HaS him affirming a god. It is my job to make the choices in his best interest. I do recommend studing all forms of religion. He could visit a church, but I wouldn't let him become a member!
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Person #4 October 27 at 4:34pm Reply
ok...did it mess you up?

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 4:39pm
I was raised Christian... Plus I don't know when their policies changed... Plus I'm not saying it messes people up (did you even read my blog?) what they are doing is wrong.
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Person #4 October 27 at 4:44pm Reply
yes i did..and all i got from it is grown up are being stupid and throwing their own beliefs where they dont belong and that is one of my biggest pet is one thing but this isnt about safety its about power and influence..and btw..i know several boy scouts who are now gay so they suck at teaching those things anyway ..and if you were raised christian and now u have ur own beliefs then see..ur still kickin and ur still funny and u still have friends and ur still an upstanding citizen though ur views have changed from what u were brought up to believe..y..because u experienced things and u made ur own choice on how u wanted to point is..forget what ever it is that they say they do and if ur kid wants to be in it then let him be in it ..its not goin to hurt anything but ur pride and well ur a big boy and u can handle it i am sure ..;)

Person #2 October 27 at 4:51pm Reply
It's not a matter of our pride, "Person #4" in our case, we were not church goers, so they didn't WANT my son as soon as they found that out. That's the point, of course, I'd have let him join if they didn't restrict it to straight people of faith. What's really awful, though, is when a kid IS in the scouts and they discover something that they don't like and eject him.

Furthermore it is ILLEGAL to discriminate and take government money. I don't understand how they are getting away with this, just like the Salvation Army is now pemitted to discriminate when hiring - you must be a Christian or you can't work there. Fine, but then they should not get taxpayer money. Plenty of non-christians are good enough to pay the taxes, we deserve the right to the benefits of them as well.

Person #4 October 27 at 5:04pm Reply
thats not true.. a friend of mine works with salvation army 2 times a week to work with little kids and she is ..well she definatly isnt a church goer..she actually is a huge fan of the insane clown posse and looks and dresses hair huge pants with chains..but she is one of the sweetest most honest people you ever meet..but yes i understand completely what u are saying and no it isnt right at all for them to do it..but every where u look its the same thing just some are more cleverly disguised maybe in my area its just different..i have never been turned away cuz i believe in witchcraft and the more darker side of things ..i believe in God as well..i am only human and i have no right to say what is real and what isnt all i can do is go on my own experiences and in my semi short life i have experienced enough to know not a single person knows what really is out there and shouldnt close their minds to things they think impossible..people are curious about things i believe but no one has ever turned me away or not let my children partake in things..if anything i get hounded more to let them join in with groups or organizations ..i really do understand what ur saying..all i am saying is..politics should never be involved where kids are..they are to young to understand it all and they shouldnt be burdened with the ignorance of it all..they are young and the world takes enough of that away as it is and i just am not happy about it at all..a mom sat across from me and told me how happy she was that schools dont allow the kids to celebrate halloween anymore cuz she didnt want her kid worshipping the took all my might to not go across that table and smack her upside her head and tell her she was one of the stupidest people i had met this week..i bet her ass got to trick or treat when she was a kid ..hmmm..maybe she is a secret devil worshipper

Person #2 October 27 at 5:09pm Reply
I agree with you, as you say "politics should never be involved where kids are". Unfortunately, though, the politics were already there, so all we can do is react according to our own ethics and morals, and work, if possible, to correct the wrong.

Person #4 October 27 at 5:18pm Reply
but still allow them to b kids n the process is all im saying

Person #2 October 27 at 5:20pm Reply
Yes, I agree completely, never suggested otherwise. I just prefer to keep them from being kicked out for no reason... I think that's more hurtful, don't you? Or, taught hate. I can't really abide that.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 5:21pm
My whole point was on them taking govt. money & using govt. property... not on who they do or do not accept as members (by the way “Person #4”, they wouldn't mind you that much becuase you "believe") That brings me to my other point I must make. You mentioned my beliefs... it is my LACK of belief that they are against. the only thing I stated that I believed was that they should not be allowed to both discriminate & take govt. aide, and isn't that sort of what each church does with it's tax exemption? It is wrong and should be stopped. I'm not saying the boys scouts are bad (I sort of feel that is what you are thinking I mean) The boy scouts are a great group for kids and they do some really great things, problem lies in THEIR politics & beliefs. I just want them to follow the rules they would make any other group (other than churches, as I pointed out) follow.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 5:22pm
BTW, “Person #4”- I love it when you get all riled up ;)

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 5:25pm
Oh yeah... I have as much right to say there is no gods as they do to say there is... Actually I am not saying anything, they are the ones making a claim (btw, that puts the burden of proof on them). Children believe what they are taught to believe, I chose to teach my children to believe rational thinking and facts & proof. I have nothing against believers (witches are hot, lol) until their beliefs effect decisions that effect us all (oooops, that happens all the time) :)

Person #2 October 27 at 5:45pm Reply
Yeah. What “LoserWhiteGuy” said.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 5:52pm
So “Person #2”, does that mean you think witches are hot too?

Person #2 October 27 at 6:04pm Reply
Some of them, indeeed they are!

"Characters Removed Due to HTML Code Issues" which means Grin. "Characters Removed Due to HTML Code Issues" is smile, "Characters Removed Due to HTML Code Issues" is evil grin, "Characters Removed Due to HTML Code Issues" is wry grin, etc. It's a holdover from before smilies... and it's so ingrained in me that I type it before I even realize it's gone. It was useful in debate forums to show that you were poking someone rather than being serious. Didn't see your chat question till you were offline.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 6:18pm
Thank you! See learn something new every day.
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Person #4 October 27 at 6:19pm Reply
lol...witches are hot and so are vamps..and everyone has every right to believe in who and what and how they want i just dont think it should be forced on to anyone and that is what the world is doing which is my whole gripe..but by banning ur children from something for the same reason isnt doin a whole lot better..i understand the govt funding and blah blah blah..but like i said ..its like that everywhere just some are better hiders than others..look at all the corrupt politicians we have ..same thing diff scenerio

Person #4 October 27 at 6:21pm Reply
and no i understand ur not pickin on the bs in general

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 6:25pm
You re missing. He point... We are not banning... They banned us!
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Person #4 October 27 at 6:27pm Reply
well then maybe i need to come and chew someones ass ..then when im done lets see who cant be in something..

Person #2 October 27 at 6:28pm Reply
Exactly, “LoserWhiteGuy”.

Stick around kiddo. I'll learn ya.

LoserWhiteGuy October 27 at 6:37pm
Now we are finally at the point of the matter... They have every right to exclude us, they are a private organization.... But if they do they are not supposed to be allowed to take govt. Funding and use school grounds.

And as far as you chewing anything.. I really didn't want to get into sex on this post ;)
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That is the end of it, at least as of this moment. I'm pretty sure the discussion is basically finished. Feel free to reply with your own comments to this post or the original. Let me also note that the original post had the "Bullshit" episode regarding this topic embedded from YouTube... If you haven't seen it, you should.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Boy Scouts

Today my son brought home a flyer about Cub Scouts. I'm going to try to keep this short, simple and too the point. (you realize that is NOT going to happen, right?)

I want to first make it clear that I have nothing personally against the Cub/Boy Scouts. I think the organization has done some really great things and even helped a lot of boys. I do, however, have an issue with them recruiting on government run school property and using government money!

They discriminate against homosexuals, females & atheists... now, there is nothing wrong with that. They are a private organization and therefore have every right to discriminate. They should have every right... Example: the "He Man Woman Hater's Club" should not have to allow women (or gays or atheists if they disagree with them and none of the other memebers are). The trick is, once you use govt. school property or accept govt. funding you have to abide by a different set of rules and you lose some of your rights. For example, if I want to form an organization for people who all like the book "Flowers for Algernon" (The best book ever) I can do this. If I want to only allow in this private group only people who like this book who were born on the 13th of the month (insert whatever minority or majority you wish here, i.e. orientals, blacks, whites, lutherans, blondes, etc) I have the right to do this as well. Now, if I need money to build our clubhouse and ask my buddy Norm (insert whatever other individual, group or government) for the funding he can agree with stipulations such as he will give me the money, but I have to allow ANYONE to become a memeber. Now the choice is up to me... is it worth changing my rules to get the funding? This is a choice you should have to make, yet the BSA isn't held to these standards.

Below is a video from a couple years ago of a mother who just found out the Scouts didn't want her son as a member because she is an atheist.

Now, as I stated earlier... they have every right to believe this way and to not accept her son as a member (or do they really? After all, they are recruiting on school property). But I think her video raises some awareness for people who do not realize this.

Penn & Teller did an episode of their award winning show, "Bullshit", on this topic a few seasons back. I actually found the episode (in three parts and with Spanish subtitles) on YouTube. I posted them below so you can not only hear people way more educated and with better research but you can also maybe pick up a second language in the process:

I really don't think there is much I could say on this topic after that. Maybe kinda like how some comics don't like following a guitar comic... not me, mind you, I have a good buddy who is a guitar comic and has opened for me on many occations. Maybe I should encorporate a guitar in my act. Er, I mean, I should encorporate my guitar in my act more often (sorry, wrote my guitar off on taxes as a prop)... I have often thought in the past of bringing diapers on stage and see if I could write them off as well.

If you would like to look into the Cub Scouts (to research, become a member or start a troop) go to: For research purposes you simply have to click on their values statement page that lists the 12 lifelong values they claim to teach. (note, nowhere on there is tolerence)

I think my family can not enjoy camping just fine on our own without a group of people to not enjoy camping with. Pluse do I really want my son to know knots that I can't untie?

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Special Offer For Blog Readers Only!

As you may or may not be aware I have a live comedy CD "John Vorhees Just Doesn't Give A..."

and the official John Vorhees Comedy Tour "I'm Peeing My Pants" T-Shirt

both available on my website.

Ok, there is actually a full store, but these are the two items I bring with me to shows (and whore myself out with for every penny I can get). The online store has a full line of different shirts, hoodies, hats, cups and other cool items (YES... even a thong!)

Regular online pricing for a CD is $11.99 plus shipping & Ts are $15 plus shipping. I do have an online special where you can get both a CD & T-Shirt for only $20 plus $5 shipping.

Here is a limited time special offer I'm only going to make to readers of my blog:

Buy a T-Shirt for $15 and get




What a deal, huh? Just in time for the holidays! (These make great stocking stuffers) This offer will only be available thru December 24th, 2009 so order now!

You can place a secure order online by clicking here or you may order by mail by sending $15 (check or money order) to the address below. Please note shirt size when ordering (L/XL/XXL):

Blog Special
Vorhees Enterprises
PO Box 1364
Sterling, IL 61081

Note- orders by check will ship after check has cleared

If you want the CD autographed please let me know & include who to make it out to (in case you are giving as a gift). Otherwise I will not break the shrink wrap on the CD. Also, the answer is yes... you may order more than one "set".

I'm doing this to raise awareness of the new blog (I'm actaully losing money on this deal)...
so tell people to check this out!

Now comes the really fun part... I want you to send me pictures of you using/wearing my swag. I don't care if it's from this special order, an order from my online store or if you got it after a show. Send a pic of you holding my CD, wearing one of my shirts or better yet one of the thongs!

Be creative! Submit something unique! I may post your picture online. You can email pictures to:

Please include your name, address & any other contact information with you picture submission.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Posing a question

How do professionals in the adult entertainment industry keep from having lines on teir butts? I sit or lay down for two seconds and it looks like you could have a picnic on my ass from the checkerboard pattern of butt lineage. Do they have some special cream for skin crease reduction? Do they have to stand around constantly to avoid it? Are they using a butt buffer? I think Lucasarts has something to do with it, but if that's the case couldn't they CGI Ron Jeremy to look better?

I'll be the first one to admit I do not know enough on this topic to make even an educated guess, but I am willing to do some extensive research on the subject. I'm willing to make that sacrifice to answer the tough questions. I do it for the people... I'm here for you!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Good Morning?

A good morning post should never be this close to the last post from the night before!

Is it hypocritical?

Is it hypocritical that I enjoy holiday music and those old stop motion animation holiday specials from TV? I'm sitting here watching "The Year Without Santa Clause" as my 3 year old, Jett, fights sleep. Growing up this was my favorite one... The Miser brothers scared the crap out of me as a tike and I kept coming back for more asking my parents each year when it would be on. I would search TV Guide (remember when it was small enough for a child to hold it?) I'm older now... yet still find them a bit creepy.

I also love the song "Silver Bells" & my favorite holiday movie of all time is "It's a Wonderful Life"... That and "Harvey" are my two favorite Jimmy Stewart films. Both deal with fantasy on different levels. Both are equally enjoyable in their own way. You don't see many feel good movies near that caliber anymore... they are mostly done by Pixar now. Ok, I admit it... a tear came to my eye during "Finding Nemo"... blow me

Why is it that my 7 year old, Damien, falls asleep at the drop of a hat yet Jett fights it with his whole heart? He yawns... even starts to doze off. BOOM! All of a sudden he will pop up and start running in circles! That kid is nuts (must be mine... cancel the DNA testing). I think I'm losing my voice from telling him to lay his head down every couple minutes (then my family would be really happy).

Speaking of Damien, yesterday his school offered free swine flu vaccinations. That's right... SWINE FLU... I refuse to call it HBO1MNOP69, or whatever they named it! Calling it swine flu is not going to keep me from eating bacon... I'm not sure that if bacon became lethal it would stop me from eating it. Bacon rocks! Anyway, he got the shot (note-I mentioned it was FREE). I picked him up that day and he told me it went well, "stung for a second, but didn't really hurt." Good for him because unless they have a pill form I'm not getting it. Don't get me wrong... I'm all for vaccinations. People who don't get their children vaccinated or treated for their illnesses should listen to what Jim Henson has to say about that... Oh wait! He can't talk because he DIED since he didn't believe in using modern science to help him treat illness!!! Cute puppets, but a delsional dumbass! Hey, maybe Miss Piggy gave him swine flu, that bitch. No, my issue is not with some stone age belief of medicine being bad or anything like that. I'm scared shitless of needles!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

it's Latte time! Too bad all I have is coffee

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Fame & Misfortune

I just want to be famous enough that my autograph is worth more that the check I signed it on to pay the bill.

Example (for the slow people... and let's face it, if you are reading this there is a likelyhood you weren't valdictorian): Let's say my autograph is worth $80. I write a check to pay my gas bill for $40. It only makes good business sense for the person who gets my check to pay my $40 bill (for me) and sell the check with my signature on it for $80. They made a 100% profit markup and I "made" $40 on the deal.

I know what you are thinking, "but if you sell your own autograph for $80, then you can pay the $40 gas bill with money left over." Yes, this is true but I still would have only made $40 (based on the sample amounts given... If my autograph would be worth $100 it would only make sense to do it that way & if it were worth less than $80 I would "make" less money selling it myslef) and isn't near as interesting or as ego boosting as the what I presented.

Waiting & Wondering

sitting at school waiting for my son to get out on this beautiful day and wondering why Megan Fox doesn't call.
Early out day & no daycare makes John work from home.
ok, this CellSpin program seems to be working pretty good. If anyone knows of a better program to use from a Blackberry Storm to post please let me know.

Another try

Ok, last post didn't send to twitter correctly (probably because there was a pic attached)... I'm trying just text this time.


Checking out this mobile software to post a blog to... well, basically everything. See how it goes.

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Figured that out

Well the Email test told me a lot. I'm sure it made your day as well. Lot of spacing going on there, huh?

I don't remember who/when/where I was told about the site, but a few weeks back I was told about the website It is worth a chuckle or two to go and check out. Basically it's a site full of photos of people at Wal-Mart wearing stupid, sad, or outrageous outfits & interesting (to say the least) cars parked in the parking lots. The layout is very simple, but takes a while to navigate thru (should have a thumbnail option). Gotta admit some of the vehicles are kinda cool & funny. Here are a couple examples:

Check it out when you have a few minutes to blow.

Trying an Email blog post



Ok, so now I’m trying out submitting a blog post via Email. I promise I will get this all figured out soon… or maybe it would actually be more entertaining if I never figure it out & everyone can laugh at me (you know, kinda like Hugh Grant’s acting career).


I’m basically using this post to see how the layout transfers from Email to the blog post (interesting crap, huh?). I’m going to post a website address here and now as an html link <a href=></a> and see how they transfer.


Well so much for my test.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Ok, so I'm trying my first blog post via txt... Hey, it beats watching "The Cat In The Hat" for the 237th time. I will try to post something interesting next.

How your toilet habits effect your child's education

I posted this video about 5 days ago to YouTube and Break in response to questions I received on a Facebook post from back in September. I am simply explaining how much it really costs you to put the toilet paper on the dispenser in the incorrect manner.

Toilet Paper & College - Watch more Funny Videos

First One

Ok, I tried updating things using my "news" page of my website (, but using only my limited html & php skills it was a pain in the ass. I then had a short stint doing the LoserWhiteGuy Radio podcast... it was great fun and I was just starting to figure it all out, but it was way too time consuming. I've thought about starting it back up since I have some great ideas to reduce the time it was taking me to do them... keep a lookout, you never know.

Anyway, I've finally caught up with all the 12 year olds on my block and started an actual blog post... obvious to you since you are reading this.

I want to take the opportunity in this first post to appologize in advance for any misspellings & gramatical errors... I'm way stronger in math. I also want to warn you in advance that most people at some point in time will find something I say to be (in their oppinion) wrong, offensive, abusive, harsh, calice, self indulgent, self deprecating, rude, hypocritical, and many other things I am just not thinking of at the moment.... tough shit, don't read my blog! I will, however, try to keep things interesting & maybe even amusing. If you like it, love it or even hate it let me know.

I'm probably going to be doing a lot of posting thru my phone since I travel a lot. So, if you see some weird posts in the upcoming days it is most likely me figuring this whole thing out.

The most amusing thing that enters my brain at this moment: I was taking my boys to school the other day and my 7 year old, Damien, say, "Holy Macaroni." So then my 3 year old replys with, "Son of Bitch, Mac & Cheese." It was one of those moments that you have to compose yourself before you confront him. It was hilarious!

Ok, so I'm going to update this, see how it looks and start getting the word out. Please help me out and do the same.

~John V.