Holiday Shopping

I'm sitting here with my boys watching Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian.

The movie is cute (as was the first) and it gives you just enough information on the Smithsonian to really make me want to go there.


I have never been to the capital, much less the Smithsonian. That would be a great trip. I also want to visit the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia... ok, if given the choice I would go to the Mutter first.... come on, who wouldn't want to see the exhibit of Objects Swallowed and Removed or the big colon?

I would wait in line all night to see that... and that brings me to Black Friday


NO! I'm talking Black Friday as in the day after Thanksgiving. The day associated with the official start of the holiday shopping season (tho I think the real start is somewhere around Halloween).

Ever since I got out of the retail business I have loved going out shopping the day after Thanksgiving. I'm up in the wee hours of the morning to first hit the stores who offer their special deals online (hint, Wal-Mart), then I'm off to wait in line. One advantage I have is that I live in a smaller commuinty so I don't have to get in line till around 4am to typically be within the first ten in line (usually within the first 5). The down side is I am limited on what stores are in my area... but that's ok since I do it just for fun!

Yes, I do it simply for the fun of it! Ok, those of you cringing already had better head to the toilet because you may shit your pants when you read the next sentence... I typically have all my shopping done by Thanksgiving.
*Go ahead, if you didn't take my advice and now need to change your pants... the post will still be here when you get back. Unless you have a really crappy dial up connection and someone tries to call in and you don't have it set to turn off call waiting when you are online and it causes your connection to be lost. But, in that case, you not only don't deserve to read on... you also deserve to have crap in your pants*

Seriously... I usually have pretty much everything purchased by about mid November. The Black Friday ads are typically up online (BlackFriday.info) at the beginning of the month if not before, so you can plan ahead. I pick up things as I find them at a special deal (I'm not cheap... I'm frugal) starting mid to late summer. Of course there is always something one of my boys sees that doesn't come out till later in the year, but most of the time they are out by November. Actually, some of the really hot items may be unavail by Thanksgiving (tho that is not as typical as it used to be... Remeber Cabbage Patch Kids?).

Ugly things, aren't they?

I go out on Black Friday because I love crazy people!!! Believe me, if you want to see crazy people acting crazy then you need to go shopping when the doors open on Black Friday. Now, I don't mean the dangerous crazy like last year when the Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death. I'm talking about non-lethal nutbags.

I have a system that I typically follow of what store I wait in line at and then what order I go to the other stores. Since I really don't NEED anything I am in no hurry. (I have a routine I do about Black Friday shopping where I state I only go out to piss off the "real" shoppers) From time to time I break from my routine, if only to break the monotony. A few years ago I decided to go to the Wal-Mart that is open 24 hours just to see how that goes...

With the 24 hour Wal-Mart they simply put out skids of merchandise and wrap it with cello wrap and at the "start time" they cut the wrap and people go for it. Instead of a long line at the front door people group up around the items they want (or at least the most important item they want, unless they are idiots... ok, I was talking Wal-Mart, right?). I entered the store about and hour before the "big event" and was given a map of the sale items and their locations in the store. At the top of the paper I was handed was an actual map of the store with locations of sale items that were numbered. At the bottom was a numbered list of the items. Now, I would think anyone with any level of education (I'm including Kindergarten) would think that a map of this sort should have some form of logical flow or system to it. For example, the items at the bottom could be listed alphabetically or the numbers at the top could start in one spot and go in some order across or around the map... I could not find any rhyme or reason to this friggin' map! Hey, I tried... really hard!!!


After tossing the map aside, I wandered the store looking for something inexpensive of interest to me that I wouldn't mind picking up for one of my boys. I came across a skid stocked full of Star Wars lightsabers that were in the ad for $5. How could I go wrong with that? You can never have too many lightsabers... I actually have a Mace Windu replica that I don't even let the boys look at (I've thought about displaying it in my office). I counted the lightsabers on display; there were five or six boxes each containing ten lightsabers per box. I counted the number of people standing at the display with me; there were six of us total. I did the math in my head and decided that the likelyhood everyone there was going to grab ten or more lightsabers was minimal. I didn't care what color I got, as long as there was one for me I would be happy.

The clock was closing in on us and an employee came over to get ready to cut the wrap. I could sense the other shopper's ass cheeks clench from the looks in their eyes. I decided to just stand back and watch supply and demand unfold before my eyes. After what seemed like very slow last few minutes the employee started to cut. I don't believe he got as far as to cut a full inch off the wrap before the other five shoppers leapt at the skid (literally... a leap was the actual motion each of them made). There was wrap flying, arms flailing and I swear I heard grunts. In a flash it was over and the cling wrap flowed in the breeze as the other shoppers scurried to their next attack. I calmly looked to both my left and right and when I saw the coast was clear I took my time and picked a nice red lightsaber from the remaining fourty some that were left. I actually couldn't contain my chuckles as I strolled the store watching people act like they were gladiators battling vicious beasts for their very lives.


Why would I not want to experience this annual event? It is a joy of life that that brings us back to some of the most basic tribal urges... and it's funny as hell to watch!

I prefer to do my typical waiting in line outside the store for two or so hours. It is a lot of fun to talk to the people (ok, typically myself and one or two others spends the entire time joking with and/or making fun of the others in line). I've met some really interesting folks waiting in line on Black Friday. Below I've listed a few "helpful hints" for anyone wanting to try the Black Friday shopping experience. I know, it would have been helpful to publish this before Thanksgiving... piss off! I'm doing it early for next year.

1. Plan your day- Get the ads early online at BlackFriday.info or a similar website and map out what you are after at each store and what order you are going to hit the stores based on what items are most important to you.

2. Get there early, really early. Realize the coolest & best stuff (electronics are typically the hottest sellers) will all be gone in the first few minutes. A lot of stores even hand out "vouchers" for the hot items that are in limited supply to the first few people in line. If you are after the cheap laptop or the portable DVD player you had better be within the first ten or so people in line. In some areas that means you have to get in line in the evening (or even afternoon) of Thanksgiving day!

3. Bring a fold up chair. There is no shame in sitting down! It can be a long wait. I have seen people bring blankets to sit on, but I prefer my nice folding chair.

4. Dress warm. Even in the mildest of Novembers it is cold in the wee hours of the morning. I recommend two pairs of socks. FYI- you can never go wrong with a Columbia coat. I've seen girls wear skirts in line... but I've also seen girls put out for a Big Mac meal.

5. Don't care. This is probably the most important thing I can say. If it really matters if you get the special deal or not you are setting yourself up for a possible emotional crash really early in your day. Yeah, we would all love to get the $2 MP3 player, but don't set your self up so that if you miss out you need therapy till next Black Friday! It just isn't worth it.

I'm sure there are tons more advice I could give, but those are the basics. If you don't listen to me then you deserve to be cold and disappointed.